1,366 words, 7 minutes read time.
In the world of spirituality, we often talk about raising our vibration, stepping into our highest Self, & aligning with Divine Truth. But what happens when someone claims to embody all of this, but something just feels off? Enter the spiritual narcissist: the wolf in guru’s clothing, the teacher who preaches love while subtly manipulating, & the healer who thrives on hierarchy instead of empowerment.
Spiritual narcissism is a particularly insidious form of manipulation because it masquerades as wisdom, enlightenment, & even Divine authority. It’s harder to spot than other types of narcissism because it wears the perfect disguise—spirituality itself.
Let’s break it down:
What Is Spiritual Narcissism?
At its core, narcissism is a personality trait (or, in extreme cases, a disorder) characterized by a sense of superiority, entitlement, & a need for admiration. Spiritual narcissism takes this a step further. It uses spiritual concepts, teachings, & practices as a way to elevate oneself above others.
A spiritual narcissist may:
- Present themselves as more enlightened, awakened, or “special” than others.
- Use spiritual jargon to gaslight & deflect accountability.
- Demand loyalty or devotion, often positioning themselves as a guru or authority figure.
- Subtly (or overtly) suggest that they have access to Divine Truth that others do not.
- Offer “help” or guidance—not out of genuine care, but as a tool for control. They keep a silent tally of everything they’ve done for you, making sure you feel indebted, even if you never asked for their assistance. And while they’ll insist they don’t need recognition, they’ll have no problem reminding you of every favor, every act of generosity—even the ones you weren’t aware of.
Unlike traditional narcissists, who might flaunt wealth or social status, spiritual narcissists wield their “enlightenment” as their power source.
Why Is It So Hard to Spot Spiritual Narcissism?
Most people can recognize a textbook narcissist—the arrogant CEO, the self-obsessed influencer, or the manipulative romantic partner. But a spiritual narcissist hides behind virtues like unconditional love, non-judgment, wisdom, & service.
Here’s why they’re so tricky to identify:
- They appear selfless. Many spiritual narcissists often speak about service, humility, & surrender, but their actions tell a different story. While claiming to simply “guide” others, they expect admiration & unquestioning obedience. (If you listen closely, you’ll notice their “good deeds” always circle back to them—how they helped, how they feel about it, how wise they are, how much they sacrificed—rather than truly centering the people they claim to serve.)
- They weaponize spiritual principles. Concepts like “ego death,” “surrender,” & “trust” are often twisted to control others. For example, if you question them, they might accuse you of being “stuck in your ego” or “resisting the Divine plan.”
- They exploit vulnerabilities. People on a spiritual journey are often in a place of deep self-exploration, seeking truth & healing. A spiritual narcissist knows exactly how to mirror your desires & wounds, making it seem like they hold the answers you’ve been searching for (or at the very least, that they’re walking the same path as you).
- Their “help” isn’t actually for you. As previously touched on, any guidance, healing, wisdom, or “assistance” they offer is ultimately about them—their ego, their sense of power, their ability to be seen as generous or the enlightened authority. And it’s never truly unconditional. If they help you in any way, expect it to be used against you later. They’ll remind you of what they did for you, or maybe even reveal something you didn’t know they did for you, subtly making you feel indebted or ungrateful if you ever question them.
Triangulation: Pitting People Against Each Other
One of the most manipulative tactics a spiritual narcissist uses is triangulation, which means playing people against each other to maintain control.
Here’s how it works:
- They subtly (or openly) compare you to others, suggesting that someone else is more evolved, more devoted, more aligned, or just plain better than you. This keeps you striving for their approval.
- They spread misinformation or selectively share details between people to create confusion, distrust, or competition.
- They position themselves as the “mediator” or “higher authority” when conflicts arise, keeping themselves at the center of everything.
- They make you feel like you’re either in their inner circle or on the outside, creating a dynamic where people compete for their attention & validation.
A spiritual narcissist thrives on this kind of division because it ensures they remain the ultimate authority. If people in their circle are constantly doubting or competing with each other, they won’t unite & question them.
If you ever feel like someone in a spiritual community is causing unnecessary drama, whispering behind the scenes, or making you doubt your own relationships (or even your perception), PAY ATTENTION. They might be using triangulation to manipulate & control.
Signs You’re Dealing With a Spiritual Narcissist
How can you tell if someone is just using spirituality to feed their ego? Watch for these red flags:
- They claim to be more enlightened than you (&/or others). True spiritual teachers empower others; they don’t create a hierarchy of awakening.
- They dismiss your intuition. If someone tells you that your concerns, doubts, or instincts are “just your ego talking,” that’s a red flag.
- They avoid accountability. When confronted, they use spiritual bypassing, claiming “everything happens for a reason” or shifting blame onto you for not being “high-vibe” enough.
- They demand loyalty. Whether it’s an exclusive spiritual group, a “guru” figure, or a healer who insists they are your only path to growth…RUN.
- They use guilt & shame as tools. If someone makes you feel spiritually inadequate for questioning them or setting boundaries, that’s a major red flag.
- They create dependency. A real teacher wants you to trust yourself more, not rely on them indefinitely.
- They center themselves when they “help” others. When they talk about being of service to others, are they centering those they are helping or themselves? How many times do they use the word “I” & how many times do they reference the person or people they helped? This will tell you a lot about their intentions.
- They use “ego resistance” as a way to control your reactions. If something they say or do makes you uncomfortable, alarms you, or just doesn’t sit right, they’ll tell you it’s just your ego resisting. That you need to surrender. That your discomfort is proof you have something to release. They might even get defensive in an attempt to make you feel guilty for experiencing discomfort, or questioning them in the first place.
This tactic is dangerous because it forces you to second-guess yourself. Instead of listening to your gut when a red flag appears, you’ll feel pressured to override your instincts in the name of “growth,” “awakening,” or “gratitude.” Before you know it, they’ve conditioned you to ignore your inner truth & only trust them.
How to Protect Yourself
If you suspect someone in your spiritual circle has narcissistic tendencies, here’s what you can do:
- Trust your intuition. If something feels off, it probably is.
- Stay grounded in your own path. No one else has the authority to define your spiritual journey (or anything else) for you.
- Set firm boundaries. If someone is making you feel small, powerless, or guilty for asserting yourself, it’s time to step back.
- Seek multiple perspectives. A healthy spiritual journey involves diverse viewpoints, not blind allegiance to one person or philosophy.
- Pay attention to how they handle your discomfort. If they twist your feelings into something that serves their narrative, especially if they say your resistance is just your ego, you’ve found a major red flag.
Can resistance be your ego? For sure. But if it happens when someone is demanding something of you that makes you uncomfortable? And then they tell you it’s just your ego? That is a clear sign of manipulation.
Final Thoughts on Spiritual Narcissism
Spiritual narcissism is one of the trickiest traps on the path to awakening, but awareness is the key to avoiding it. The more we recognize these patterns, the less power they have over us.
True spiritual growth isn’t about hierarchy, control, or superiority. It’s about self-awareness, humility, & personal empowerment. No one holds the keys to your enlightenment but you.
Become your own spiritual guide & guru.